Summer 2018: Part 1

20/6/18

I’m not sure if the confusion is making my cranky, or if the crankiness is leading to my confusion. I am insanely self conscious and moody and for right now I just need 10 minutes alone to sob.

22/6/18

Some days I really wonder if I am meant to spend my life single and solo.

23/6/18

All these people and places have taught me something very important: I will always find myself no matter where I am and who I am with

24/6/18

Everyday I try to explain to my student that the world is not a fair place. It is not composed of fair situations. Ours is not even close to fair.  2 years down, but 14 more months of hellos/goodbyes and imagining your arms are around me.

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Walking toward you and seeing everything I want as you cheer for your team that has somehow become my team.

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Walked out of the pub and there was a man playing “How I wish you were here.” I wandered up some semi-hidden steps, saw a view of the city with the sun setting and really did wish that you were here.

28/6/18

Sometimes when you travel you meet people who just cling to you. All you really want to do is get rid of them, but you can’t shake them. The nice thing about these people is that usually they make you realize how lucky you are for the true companionship you have.

29/6/18

It’s funny, because all the parts of me I thought would cause a man to fall in love with me don’t seem to matter. Maybe the whole time I was working on myself for myself. I sure love my taste in music, and my lack of fashion sense. This is proof that we should become who we are meant to be alone first.

After reading over everything I’ve written in the last year it has become all the more clean that you are the obvious missing piece of all my travels.

30/6/18

The last few times I have traveled I haven’t felt as much joy. Am I getting old and slowing down? Are these streets too familiar and easy to solve? Or, am I really to move on to a new part of my life journey. If so I’m going to have a problem, because I have built my life around this. I’m counting down the days until I get to go home, and I’m not sure if that is good or bad.

Suddenly I am doubting everything I thought I knew. I made a promise to myself ages ago when I was drunk one night in Montenegro that I would never take you for granted. I feel like I spent our whole week together so exhausted and short fused that I definitely took it all for granted. And I’m also taking all the opportunities that come with travel for granted. More food, wine, museums, history, walks, and conversations with strangers please.

2/7/18

I met a French girl on the train who was traveling solo for the first time. She asked me if I ever get so lonely that I just stay in bed all day and cry. Guys, yesterday that is basically how I spent my day. Much as I pump solo travel, it's not all sunshine and smiles. It is emotionally draining. But then I get days like today. This is me, finally on a hiking trail. Solo travel isn't about always being happy, it's about pushing yourself through physical and emotional hurdles to learn more about yourself and the world. After my quick 3 hour hike I'm off to a city walking tour.

5/7/18

I haven’t written in a few days because I’ve been busy/meeting people. I have to admit that I am just a slight bit nervous about the next part of the journey. Overnight buses are new and I’m not sure what I’m going to do when I arrive at my destination. I have 9 days left of travel, and while the last 3 have been a blast I’m feeling my love for solo travel dwindle slowly. I’m feeling ready to settle down and quit traveling so much and yet, there are so many places left to visit. So much to do with the one life I’ve been given.

10/7/18

I want it to be next year. And I hate counting down my days like this….

11/7/18

True to form, I either write too much or nothing at all. I’ve realized that my personal emotions are getting too personal to share. So what else to write and share? I once suggested that a man who worked in a hostel write about the people he met. People are one of the main reasons I travel. And let me tell you, on this trip I have met some interesting characters. I of course will not be writing about those I actually spent time with or plan to stay in contact with in the future. Just the random strangers I meet, have a brief encounter with, whether it be good or bad, who cause you to think about life in a different way.

http://tiarasoutlawmaps.blogspot.com/2018/07/people-i-met-in-ukraine-moldova-and.html

I have to admit that it is really strange to leave a place just as you feel like you are finding your funk.

15/7/18

I crave the mountains as we make our final decent over the city. I know I won’t see them, it’s 4am and still pitch black, but I can see lights that indicate higher ground. I feel them and it is enough. I am home. And yet I’m leaving to go home in two days. And a year from now I will be planning a move home to you. Who knew a word could have so many meanings, and each one could be so equally important?