Songs of 29

I just got back from running for the last time of my 20's. Here I am. 30 years old, and feeling a hell of a lot wiser the last time I reached what I considered a "age milestone".  I definitely set some goals for my 30 year old self along this journey, and I had some expectations about what my life would be like. But, what girl reaches 30 and doesn't have some sort of devastation and freak out about where society expects her to be. Sorry world. I'm not there.

Looking back on year 29 was tough. A fair few travel adventures, the achievement of several fitness goals, and some huge steps taken as a teacher. So much confusion as I lost a sense of home and felt torn away from close friendships and a place I truly belonged. So much growth as I moved to a new home to make new friends, find a sense of myself, and work through the guilt of following and trusting my heart. The most important thing I gained from year 29 however, was recognition of the importance of self-worth, and the understanding that I deserve to be with someone who encourages me, and supports me as I follow every single dream. And then as secondary surprise, finding that person when I least expected it.

Figuring it out...even in disgusting sand. 

What can I say? I'm lucky to have so many emotions tied to one short year. When I turned 25 I noted that 24 was the hardest year of my life. Well, 29 knocked it right out of the park. If you had asked me a year ago what I thought life at 30 would be like, this would not have been it. But to hell with what I thought'd it'd be. I'm so fortunate to be here. 

February- Hearts Content by Brandi Carlile
Let's be honest I started getting really confused about what love was in February.

"Maybe we know how the story ends

Maybe it's not even about us
We both retreat to opposing sands
And the love lives on without us

One thing I know for sure is
Love will find a way
Love will find a way

Here's you and me
And in between, we draw a line
But we can't see where it's been
We scratch our heads
And race against the heart's content"

March- Lone Pine- Skin & Bones 
Basically it's a song about how simple life was once upon a time and how it just keeps changing into something you never expected it to be.
"Now I'm always stressed out
Running round'
Looking for another town
To saddle up and settle down"

April- Feathered Indians by Tyler Childers

I just listened to it on repeat for way too long. Love it!

May- May Gets 2! These were basically the songs that got me through the pain of knowing I was leaving. Countless nights alone dancing in my kitchen, dealing with really confusing feelings I was having about my relationship and friendships.

You Taste Like Wine- The Collection

I've been searching too hard for my soul
Like it matters which words lead us home
When the end will not reveal its face
I guess I will rest in palms of grace

Am I lost or found? Or am I just here, waiting around
Until someone comes and tells me it's okay to move?
And I'll take another step toward you

Fred Astaire- Jukebox the Ghost
"Even When I'm a drunken mess
You don't care
Still like me better than the rest
I swear
I don't understand it
How you like me when I'm dancing
Those eyes, damn, those eyes
They get me every time"

(Trust me...these lyrics were not in any way related to the person people thought they were.)

June- You Worry Me- Nathaniel Rateliffe
All of it....
"You seem tired today
Were you up all night afraid of what the future might bring?
I feel fine today
I had dreams of you in places I've not seen before
You get so carried away
Like lovers new to bodies first to touch you here
This ain't a getaway
You build walls around your heart to try to lock it in"

July- The Edge by Amber Rubarth 
This song perfectly sums up how I felt about Central Asia as my home. Totally life changing.

August-All the Pretty Girls- KALEO
Hauntingly Beautiful. The story of my past life.

September- Say Something by Justin Timberlake and Chris Stapleton
I got pretty sick of listening to other peoples' opinions of what I should do with my life.
"Everyone knows all about my direction
And in my heart somewhere I wanna go there
Still I don't go there"

October- The World Spins Madly on by The Weepies
Woke up with this in my head randomly one day near the start of October. Felt it pretty hard.

November- All Your'n by Tyler Childers
All in.
"So I'll love you 'til my lungs give out, I ain't lyin'
I'm all your'n and you're all mine
There ain't two ways around it
There ain't no tryin' 'bout it
I'm all your'n and you're all mine"

December- By and By- Caamp
"Lookin’ back over my life
Spent the most of it tongue tied
I wish I’d had more time
Listenin’ to you speak your mind
Now I’m thinkin’ about her everyday
On my mind, atypical way
Are you a life force?"

January- God Blessed the Broken Road by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Yeah. All the feelings when listening to this song. I often think to myself how much I wish I hadn't left Kazakhstan to move here for a boy I wasn't sure about. Then he looks at me and I get butterflies.

February- Nothing I Can Do by Ben Taylor 

"There is nothing that I can do but belong to you

Heaven and Earth and I find myself
Sining this song for you
As luck would have it, it just so happens that there's
Nothing I'd Rather do"

30 year old me no longer has a nose stud, but she is just as badass as 20 year old me. I'm starting to realize that as 30 year old me is going to face far more challenges and hurdles than 20 year old me. Ready and waiting.