I'm finding that some Russian I learn easily and some I find really difficult. Most of the easy stuff is because it consists of words I use quite often, such as right and left, or big and small. I didn't learn the adjectives light and dark until I realized how helpful they were in ordering beer. However this week my first lesson after returning from a long holiday was about travel plans. I was a little shocked because it consisted of words such as mountain and river rather than beach and night club. What I was really shocked about however was that when the "I miss you" came up on my review I easily remembered it. Probably because I put it in context and studied the literal translation which is something along the lines of "I'm bored without you." What a perfect way to describe missing someone.
30/1/18
I just realized that I have basically been single for 3 solid years. Yes there have been minor flirtations and romantic possibilities, but I haven't really put my heart on the line with the chance on having it broken in a long time. I think back to the last time I really cried over a boy, and remembering makes me briefly freeze in the moment as I think of the potential outcomes I could be facing in 2 months. I will not be afraid of this dive. May I free-fall into complete and total bliss.
1/2/18
Each day I realize more and more that music is what gets me through.
12/2/18
Sometimes I can feel you in my heart. It's like you are holding me so completely close to you that I feel somehow warmer. Soon I really will be in your arms.
13/2/18
Dear Kazakhstan, I'm not sure how much more I can take right now. I need a win. As in a really good day for hiking. Please grant my wish.
18/2/18
The apartment is too quiet and lonely. The mall is too loud and chaotic. The only place for me right now is the small bars, or the mountains.
22/2/18
One of the things I love most about living abroad is that I've grown in my willingness to accept things. When I sat down to get my hair cut today and tried to explain what I wanted and then saw her just wack away at my hair, I was certain I was going to leave crying. I was sure I was going to end up with that middle part. After trying to explain again I had to just let go of the situation and trust that it would all be okay in the end. And it was.
23/2/18
I can live my life focusing on all the "what ifs", and there are a lot, but they are just things that might have happened, and my future is dependent on the choices I make now.
24/2/18
Everyone is worried about my heart, and what is to come in the next month of my life. But the worst possibility is that I get to have an incredible road trip in Georgia with one of my best friends.
27/2/18
I was struggling But just as the clouds cleared this evening and I saw that view of the mountains, so also I know that clouds in my real life are starting to clear. I'm kicking ass at the gym, my students are getting motivated, and I'm ready to try some new things. Welcome back happy me! It's been awhile.
5/3/18
Sometimes things happen that make me really question if I made the correct choices in my life. Was I supposed to live out this dream? What if I can never have the other things I want because I sacrificed them to teach abroad and travel? Did I wait too long?
7/8/18
Many a walk, and seldom one long enough for my thoughts.
8/8/18
Maybe I don't need a destination. Maybe I just need a path in front of me.
10/3/18
I need my bed. I need mountains. I need you. I need you. I need you. I do not like this needy version of myself.
14/3/18
A week from now my life will be totally different. My perception about love and friendship will change. My future may take a turn for the better or worse. But most importantly I will have finally answered some huge questions: What is the significance of this feeling? Why do you make me feel it so intensely? And is it real?
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