Untitled #2

28/10/17
I have no idea what just happened, but I do not like it one bit. I'm feeling very uneasy about the state of my heart right now.

30/10/17
I'm here and this is exactly what I asked for, but it's not you. I have no idea what I'm doing.

4/11/17
And now I'm pissed at myself. I should have kept my damn mouth shut. However, at the end of the day maybe this will allow me to realize that in reality, being alone is always the best way to protect your heart.

6/11/17
The world is a very different place when you are in love. In love with life, in love with yourself, in love with the oddity of it all. The mountains make sense of it all!

16/11/17
I'm too good for this shit, and yet what I want right now is this shit.
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There isn't a single part of my life that I like right now. I hate my job, I hate my relationships, I hate the way I'm treating myself and my body. I need to pull myself together ASAP.

17/11/17
Sometimes I think of the city as a prison. But tonight as I arrived home at midnight I looked up and noticed that even though there is light pollution I can still see the stars, and they are exactly what I needed.

23/11/17
Listening to songs from the other perspective and wondering why the hell I'm doing this to myself.
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Alright...I recognize this feeling. I have to start getting out of the house more often. Local watering hole? Where are you? Also, I need more friends.

24/11/2017
I remember feeling this way in Jakarta, but I don't remember feeling this way for more than a day here or there in Tivat. It better go away quickly cause I'm not enjoying it.

30/11/2017
There is you, and you have been my everything, my reality for so long that I cannot keep ignoring you.

512/17
I haven't lived somewhere with a real winter in a long time. Right now I'm super excited about it. Of course so far all I've had to do it walk 5 minutes to where my driver picks me up and 2 minutes from where he drops me off. I might feel totally different a month from now.

9/12/17
I cannot say that I want you anymore. That does not adequately describe how I feel. I desire every inch of who you are to be present in my life. I want to breath your air, touch your skin, and spend each and everyday of my life making you smile. I do not want you. I am desperate for you.

13/12/17
I don't feel like any of what I have written adequately displays the last few months of my life. They have been tough, but I've dealt with the confusion of it all in a very different way than I am used to. I feel like my whole life has been preparing me for my now. So I guess I'll end this post with a Tom Robbins quote, как всегда.

14/12/17
I am happy to be leaving Kazakhstan with my current emotions. As foreign as being here feels it still feels like home.

Christmas 2017 (с новым годом)

Whenever it comes time to write this I get instantly confused about how a whole year has past. Then I sit down and begin my notes, and wonder how I managed to fit so much into such a short time.

I started out my year at home. I got to surprise my niece and nephew by jumping out of a box as their Christmas present. Then I rang in the new year in Minneapolis at a bluegrass concert which was followed by a campfire in a shed. So typically perfect.

After returning to Montenegro I continued a very confusing job search. I thought so much about staying, but eventually landed on the idea of Central Asia with some helpful pointers from a parent of one of my students. I was offered several "wrong fit" jobs before finally accepting a position teaching 4th grade in Almaty, Kazakhstan. Whenever anyone asks me "Why Kazakhstan?" I respond with "the mountains".

In the spring I was able to spend 2 weeks traveling around Greece. Everyone raves about the islands, but in my opinion the best part was Meteora. Here, there are several monasteries located on pillars of rocks. I was able to visit some of them, but I'll be honest that the views from the outside where far better than the views of the inside.

I made the best of my final months in Montenegro by going rafting, beach camping, and having the pleasure of a few friends visiting me, so that I could show them my favorite part of the world.

After school ended I took a brief road trip through Serbia with my friend Rebecca, which was a complete failure, perhaps because we did not do enough research, or perhaps because there just isn't much information about eco tourism in this part of the world yet. However I was in good company, and we made the most of the difficulties we faced.

I continued on to Bulgaria, where I was able to explore the beautiful city of Sofia, and to spend 3 wonderful days hiking. This included a tour of the Rila 7 lakes, and a trek to the top of the highest mountain in Bulgaria. The last day of hiking was the easy hike, but mentally and physically was the toughest for me.

I had a few quick days in Skopje, Macedonia catching up with a friend before spending my last evenings in Tivat and heading home.

Home involved a lot of live music and serious life contemplation about why I can't just be happy and settle in the cities and be done with it all. Needless to say, life has not yet led me there yet, and so after my 3 amazing weeks with friends and family I was ready to leave and start into "normal life" again.

Though Almaty and I did not have the best start I have grown to know this city as a home. As long as I get to the mountains every weekend I can stay sane. What more can you ask from a city really? I have night life, I have the possibility of social life,  and the mountains are a 30 minute bus ride away.

During my October break I traveled to Israel, which has always been a top priority for me. While I was interested in the religious history I found the large crowds and tourist traps to be annoying. I was glad I didn't set my expectations too high and re-set my mind to enjoy Israel for what it actually is: A country with a lot of history that has been way oversold, but that has an interesting culture worth exploring even with all the traps.

This year  for winter break I'm heading back to Spain, to explore Barcelona and the south, and then on to Portugal which will be my 39th country :)

I'm looking forward to all the changes that 2018 will bring in my life, as well as the struggles I know I will face.

More pictures from my amazing year:pix.sfly.com/xcwSxdwU