Untitled #2

28/10/17
I have no idea what just happened, but I do not like it one bit. I'm feeling very uneasy about the state of my heart right now.

30/10/17
I'm here and this is exactly what I asked for, but it's not you. I have no idea what I'm doing.

4/11/17
And now I'm pissed at myself. I should have kept my damn mouth shut. However, at the end of the day maybe this will allow me to realize that in reality, being alone is always the best way to protect your heart.

6/11/17
The world is a very different place when you are in love. In love with life, in love with yourself, in love with the oddity of it all. The mountains make sense of it all!

16/11/17
I'm too good for this shit, and yet what I want right now is this shit.
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There isn't a single part of my life that I like right now. I hate my job, I hate my relationships, I hate the way I'm treating myself and my body. I need to pull myself together ASAP.

17/11/17
Sometimes I think of the city as a prison. But tonight as I arrived home at midnight I looked up and noticed that even though there is light pollution I can still see the stars, and they are exactly what I needed.

23/11/17
Listening to songs from the other perspective and wondering why the hell I'm doing this to myself.
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Alright...I recognize this feeling. I have to start getting out of the house more often. Local watering hole? Where are you? Also, I need more friends.

24/11/2017
I remember feeling this way in Jakarta, but I don't remember feeling this way for more than a day here or there in Tivat. It better go away quickly cause I'm not enjoying it.

30/11/2017
There is you, and you have been my everything, my reality for so long that I cannot keep ignoring you.

512/17
I haven't lived somewhere with a real winter in a long time. Right now I'm super excited about it. Of course so far all I've had to do it walk 5 minutes to where my driver picks me up and 2 minutes from where he drops me off. I might feel totally different a month from now.

9/12/17
I cannot say that I want you anymore. That does not adequately describe how I feel. I desire every inch of who you are to be present in my life. I want to breath your air, touch your skin, and spend each and everyday of my life making you smile. I do not want you. I am desperate for you.

13/12/17
I don't feel like any of what I have written adequately displays the last few months of my life. They have been tough, but I've dealt with the confusion of it all in a very different way than I am used to. I feel like my whole life has been preparing me for my now. So I guess I'll end this post with a Tom Robbins quote, как всегда.

14/12/17
I am happy to be leaving Kazakhstan with my current emotions. As foreign as being here feels it still feels like home.

Christmas 2017 (с новым годом)

Whenever it comes time to write this I get instantly confused about how a whole year has past. Then I sit down and begin my notes, and wonder how I managed to fit so much into such a short time.

I started out my year at home. I got to surprise my niece and nephew by jumping out of a box as their Christmas present. Then I rang in the new year in Minneapolis at a bluegrass concert which was followed by a campfire in a shed. So typically perfect.

After returning to Montenegro I continued a very confusing job search. I thought so much about staying, but eventually landed on the idea of Central Asia with some helpful pointers from a parent of one of my students. I was offered several "wrong fit" jobs before finally accepting a position teaching 4th grade in Almaty, Kazakhstan. Whenever anyone asks me "Why Kazakhstan?" I respond with "the mountains".

In the spring I was able to spend 2 weeks traveling around Greece. Everyone raves about the islands, but in my opinion the best part was Meteora. Here, there are several monasteries located on pillars of rocks. I was able to visit some of them, but I'll be honest that the views from the outside where far better than the views of the inside.

I made the best of my final months in Montenegro by going rafting, beach camping, and having the pleasure of a few friends visiting me, so that I could show them my favorite part of the world.

After school ended I took a brief road trip through Serbia with my friend Rebecca, which was a complete failure, perhaps because we did not do enough research, or perhaps because there just isn't much information about eco tourism in this part of the world yet. However I was in good company, and we made the most of the difficulties we faced.

I continued on to Bulgaria, where I was able to explore the beautiful city of Sofia, and to spend 3 wonderful days hiking. This included a tour of the Rila 7 lakes, and a trek to the top of the highest mountain in Bulgaria. The last day of hiking was the easy hike, but mentally and physically was the toughest for me.

I had a few quick days in Skopje, Macedonia catching up with a friend before spending my last evenings in Tivat and heading home.

Home involved a lot of live music and serious life contemplation about why I can't just be happy and settle in the cities and be done with it all. Needless to say, life has not yet led me there yet, and so after my 3 amazing weeks with friends and family I was ready to leave and start into "normal life" again.

Though Almaty and I did not have the best start I have grown to know this city as a home. As long as I get to the mountains every weekend I can stay sane. What more can you ask from a city really? I have night life, I have the possibility of social life,  and the mountains are a 30 minute bus ride away.

During my October break I traveled to Israel, which has always been a top priority for me. While I was interested in the religious history I found the large crowds and tourist traps to be annoying. I was glad I didn't set my expectations too high and re-set my mind to enjoy Israel for what it actually is: A country with a lot of history that has been way oversold, but that has an interesting culture worth exploring even with all the traps.

This year  for winter break I'm heading back to Spain, to explore Barcelona and the south, and then on to Portugal which will be my 39th country :)

I'm looking forward to all the changes that 2018 will bring in my life, as well as the struggles I know I will face.

More pictures from my amazing year:pix.sfly.com/xcwSxdwU

Thankful 2017

Each year at Thanksgiving I take some time to reflect on what I am the most thankful for. A few years ago I started counting down the 10 moments of the past year I felt thankful for. This year was a mountain of confusion and emotion, but with that came the best moments. So here they are: the top 10 moments I was thankful for.

10. Sitting at the bar in the Minneapolis airport after Christmas at home drinking a Todd the Axeman while flirting with the bartender, and nearly missing my flight. So grateful for the ability to see my family and the ability to go back to a place I know as home.

9. Anti-bullying day hugs from kids- We all wore white to symbolize peace. I realized that my students love me and I love them. Maybe this teaching thing isn't so bad after all...

8. I am happy run in Kazakhstan- Kazakhstan and I started off a bit rough, but the weather was so gorgeous one night that I took a run and noticed all the little things around me. And little things are what I fall in love with.

7. Dancing on the beaches of Greece- No, I was not at a club. Yes, I was totally alone and crying out of fear that I had made the completely wrong decision for my future. And yes, I subdued the fear with this beer.

6. CC- the Rock while hiking: Another Sunday of hiking and I discovered a new favorite place. Piling layers of clothing on top of a rock to stay warm I basked in the sun with a new friend. The start of a new chapter of my life.

5. Saturday lying in the sunshine on the floor grading papers and realizing I love you. And the note goes something like this: I'm currently sprawled out on my floor with twelve reading continuums and a cup of coffee. The internet is down again, and I'm laying in the autumn sun as my 15 cent butternut squash roasts in the oven. My mind wanders to you, as it always does, and I think about how crazy life is to have placed me here, happy and content and so totally head over heels in love with you, who is thousands of miles away in a place I will be in two short weeks when you are no longer there. I'm happy. I'm content. And I am still so desperate to wrap my arms around you, and spend my mornings cooking you breakfast, and my evenings dancing around the kitchen while we scream karaoke songs at the top of our lungs. I have no idea what my life with you would be like with you, yet in my heart I know it would be everything. I am content and happy, but you are still the missing piece.

4.Rafting in Tara Canyon- Nature, Rakia, Laughing with friends, Rakia, Campfires, Rakia, cards, rakia, rafting down a river in freezing cold water, rakia, dancing around trying to stay warm, and rakia. What more does a person need in life?

3. Sunset with Chris- After a week of having an old friend from college visit me we went to watch the sunset on our last evening together in Montenegro. I didn't know when I'd see him again, and it had been an emotionally exhausting day, but the whole week just seemed to remind me that sometimes you have incredible connections with people, and that these connections are what make life totally worthwhile. "Every decision you make is right."

2. Leaving Montenegro- As I walked down the street on one of my last nights in Tivat I noticed a shadow that was cast across the road and and I thought about how insanely comforting this home had become to me in a time when I truly needed somewhere to grow into me.

1. The countless sunsets and reminders they brought me about the depth of life and the importance of staying true to yourself. The hours spent staring at this sky will never be wasted. 

My trip to Israel Part 2: Tel Aviv and the North

After our tour of Bethlehem we were transported back to Tel Aviv. My evening was pretty simple and consisted of drinking a few beers with some fellow travelers at my hostel, and nice shower, and my bed.

The following morning I woke up well rested and ready to explore a new city. I had a few pieces of toast with hummus (which was incredible) and headed off to old Jaffa with my co-workers. We took a free walking tour and learned about the historical importance of the port of Jaffa while walking along cobblestones streets. After the tour we sat down to eat some fish and chips and have some beer. This led to an exploration of the Flea market, a rest at our hostel and and evening at Carmel market. Unfortunately the market was closed, but we did manage to find a cute little bar offering happy hour prices and appetizers, and so we shared a meal of olives, hummus, falafel, and salad, and ended up taking a taxi back to the part of the city we were staying in. I immedietly fell in bed, which was good because the next day was a long day.

We left at 7:00am for the Northern part of the country. It was a long drive through Tel Aviv as we picked up fellow travelers. It was nice to see the city come alive in the peak hours of the morning, and I thought to myself that other than the traffic I could easily live and survive in Tel Aviv.

The ride to the North gave us lovely views as we drove next to the coast for most of the way. We stopped at the church that was built above the spot Mary was told she was going to have a baby, and the church on top of where Joseph lived. We also passed the site of many miracles, such as the place where Jesus turned water into wine, and where the 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes was turned into enough food to feed 5000 people.

We then continued on to the fishing village of Capernaum, which is thought to be the place Peter lived. I quickly ignored all the churches and buildings and headed strait for a bench by the Sea of Galilee. After this short stop we ate lunch and stopped at another baptismal site, which was far more crowded than the first one we visited, even though nothing of significance happened here. It was built solely for tourism. Needless to say I was not impressed with the North at all.

After arriving back quite late I ate dinner at the hostel, and sat down to enjoy some happy hour prices and chat to some others who were staying at the hostel. I met two really nice guys and then ended up convincing me to go out. I was really glad I did because although I didn't enjoy the club we went to I got to see the city at night.

The following morning I woke up quite early and went for a walk around the neighborhood of Florentine where I was staying, in order to find some interesting street art and get some exercise.

After this I went back to the hostel and got ready for my day at the beach. I met up with the guys from the previous night and we walked to the nearest beach and sprawled out in the sunshine. Every hour we would take a dip. This beach was absolutely perfect. I do not like beach holidays, but I easily could have spent another day or two at this beach. Perfect weather (sunny and 28 degrees Celsius) perfect water temperature (cool, but not too cold) soft sand to lay on, and plenty of interesting people to watch.

At lunchtime we went and ate shakshuka which is a tomato stew with eggs baked in it. It was so delicious. This was followed by more hours at the beach, back to the hostel for ice cream and a shower, and then heading out to explore Jaffa by night, and eat some more delicious street food.

We all went to bed early as the next day was a day of travel. At the airport the next morning was thoroughly questioned about the many stamps in my passport and my bags were searched for explosives. After this it was a quick beer and coffee before our flight to Kiev and onward to Almaty.

My trip to Israel: Jerusalem and Bethlehem

We spent the first day in transit as it was a very long flight with a layover in Kiev. Once we arrived in Tel Aviv we transferred into a van and headed straight for Jerusalem. By the time they got our hostel dorm room sorted out we were ready for a quick exploration of the city and a beer. Jerusalem was empty and beautiful by night, however many of the market stalls were still open, and we we soon discovered we located right in the center of the city.

Our second day (Monday) we had a tour in the South part of the country. Our first stop was in the Judaean desert. We saw Jericho from a far and I spent the rest of my day with the children's song about this city stuck in my head. We also saw the mountain where Jesus was tempted by Satan. This was followed by a quick visit to the site where Jesus was baptized.

Once we were done with these historical sites it was time for a longer walk. In Ein Gedi (where David hid from King Saul) we were able to hike, and roam around for a short while. There were gorgeous views of the Dead Sea.

The next views came in Masada, where King Herod built his castle. This is also the famous site where the Jews rebelled against the Romans. Of course their rebellion consisted of killing themselves, but it is still an important historical site.

After looking at far too many rocks it was time to head to the Dead Sea to float and rub ourselves in mud. This was an excellent way to relax at the end of the day, but was not complete without having a beer at the lowest geographical point on earth.

On the way back we were told their were some protests going on in the city so the roads were all closed. The only way to get back was to walk through the crowds, which consisted of a certain sect of Jews who are paid by the government to study religion. However this is not enough for them. They also want to be given the right to skip the mandatory service in the army. It was a little unnerving as we walked through the crowds of chanting men.

Tuesday was our tour around Jerusalem and Bethlehem. I won't say much about it because mostly it was just a lot of crowds. We started out viewing over the whole city in order to see all the famous places such as the Tower of Ascension, the place where Jesus wept, the place where he was crucified, and the place where he rose again. Our guide also pointed out the interesting points of the current religious and political situation.

We then progressed through Jerusalem to the church that was built on top of where Jesus was crucified. I touched the stone he was washed on. I was also shoved up a set of stairs by a crowd to see both the catholic and orthodox alters that were build for him. Next we walked along the Via Delroso stopping at the stations of the cross, before we reached the Wailing Wall. The things that interested me the most was that along the way, in the Christian quarter of the city I saw several stalls selling plastic guns, which was totally appalling to me. I wrote my prayer on a slip of paper and placed it within the wall.

After a quick lunch we got back on the bus to head to Bethlehem. The best part of the whole day was passing the West Wall and looking at all the graffiti along it. Once in Bethlehem we had to switch guides and drivers and I was lucky enough to be placed in the front seat right next to the driver, which allowed me a better view. Bethlehem isn't even worth discussing. 3 hours line to see the place Jesus was born *eyeroll* so we skipped it and headed instead to the churches that were built next to it.

The other very impressive thing about Bethlehem is how insanely attractive the men are. I caught myself sending flirtatious smiles in countless directions, especially to those who were in uniform. While leaving Palestine I was asked by our tour guide "Hey America! Want to take a Palestinian guard home with you? He's looking for a wife." It was a good thing I couldn't see him.

We stopped after the boarder and I ran into a shop to get some snacks for the ride to Tel Aviv.