Saturday, November 20, 2021

Thanksgiving 2021

For the last 10 years or so I have always enjoyed taking some time at Thanksgiving to reflect on the past year of my life. I do it now because it is the time I am the most homesick. I have also usually just finished a set of reports and parent conferences and it always makes me wonder why I choose this crazy life. So here it is. The top 10 moments I was thankful for in the last year. 

10. Our final desert camping trips. Mostly becuase of the amazing people we got to take with us. I know I complained about the sand, but desert camping was too easy. 



9. Getting Vaccinated. (Especially the 3rd and 4th time with Pfizer.) Boom Shakalaka. Now I can travel again! 




8. Christmas, just us 2- Usually I get to travel at Christmas, but Simon and I decided not to risk it. I actually really enjoyed cooking breakfast, dinner and dessert for just us two and watching a variety of the best Christmas movies. 



7. All my time with friends and family this summer- From a weekend in the Dells, a camping trip to Madeline Island, to catchups with friends old and new. Thanks for all the experiences and for always keeping in touch. 





6. Breweries with our new friends- I am quite pleased with the ample number of breweries in Quito, and with how many friends we have who are also keen to explore. 






5. Finishing the Quilotoa Loop- It is good to remember that I am capable of hiking 3 days in a row.


 

4. My first day back with all my students- Okay...maybe not. Maybe it was just the joy of closing my zoom session for the last time. The first day back was actually quite stressful

3. Looking at the stars while camping this summer/ just being able to camp so much this summer. 


2. Our farewell happy hour in Abu Dhabi- Farewells are never easy, but it was great to see how many people came out or messaged us to stay in touch. 

1. Our first night in our new apartment- Good to have a home that feels like a home. 



Wednesday, November 25, 2020

Thanksgiving 2020

#10- All the camping I got to do. Whether it be my birthday weekend in Hatta with my friends, quiet nights in the desert with Simon, or prepping for thunderstorms in the USA. I just love nature! 




#9-Buying Gunner!- Sure he has brought us lots of problems, but at least he has also brought us an escape from the city. 


#8-Shrek The Musical- Okay so we didn't actually get to have the elementary musical, but that doesn't mean I can't be grateful for the relationships I built during it and the joy it brought me and the kids. 

#7-Wadi Rum- Yeah. Sitting around a fire listening to desert stories, plus seeing some pretty incredible nature. 

#6- Making it back to Abu Dhabi from Oman- We were nearly stuck at the border and turned away. I'm pretty sure we would have spent a fortune paying for an apartment, computers to do our work, etc. We would have essentially lived in Oman for 4 months. I'm so glad Simon fought to get us back through. Never did I ever think I would be that relieved to drive into Abu Dhabi. 

#5- Meeting Simons Parents, and the whole week we got to spend with them. They certainly got us out of our house and seeing the city. Plus, I feel better know that his mom knows me, considering we are living together and I'm keeping him away from home for longer than he was supposed to be. 

#4- Chilling with my brother around his fire in the U.S.A. drinking beer.- It had been a complicated trip home and very different from most of my time home, but I am so grateful that my family got to meet Simon. Plus Simon got his blessing, which is probably the most important one. 


#3- Finding out we are going to be living and working somewhere else helped us focus on our goals both individually and as a couple. Ecuador here we come! 

#2- Finishing the Marathon- All the effort, the countless mornings of hours of running, the sacrifice of my weekend nights were all worth it. 


#1- Simon coming home <3 from Australia- When he walked through my doorI just knew that he is now my life, and partner for forever. Looking forward to all the adventures to come! 


Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Songs of 29

I just got back from running for the last time of my 20's. Here I am. 30 years old, and feeling a hell of a lot wiser the last time I reached what I considered a "age milestone".  I definitely set some goals for my 30 year old self along this journey, and I had some expectations about what my life would be like. But, what girl reaches 30 and doesn't have some sort of devastation and freak out about where society expects her to be. Sorry world. I'm not there.
Looking back on year 29 was tough. A fair few travel adventures, the achievement of several fitness goals, and some huge steps taken as a teacher. So much confusion as I lost a sense of home and felt torn away from close friendships and a place I truly belonged. So much growth as I moved to a new home to make new friends, find a sense of myself, and work through the guilt of following and trusting my heart. The most important thing I gained from year 29 however, was recognition of the importance of self-worth, and the understanding that I deserve to be with someone who encourages me, and supports me as I follow every single dream. And then as secondary surprise, finding that person when I least expected it.
Figuring it out...even in disgusting sand. 
What can I say? I'm lucky to have so many emotions tied to one short year. When I turned 25 I noted that 24 was the hardest year of my life. Well, 29 knocked it right out of the park. If you had asked me a year ago what I thought life at 30 would be like, this would not have been it. But to hell with what I thought'd it'd be. I'm so fortunate to be here. 

February- Hearts Content by Brandi Carlile
Let's be honest I started getting really confused about what love was in February.

"Maybe we know how the story ends
Maybe it's not even about us
We both retreat to opposing sands
And the love lives on without us
One thing I know for sure is
Love will find a way
Love will find a way
Here's you and me
And in between, we draw a line
But we can't see where it's been
We scratch our heads
And race against the heart's content"

March- Lone Pine- Skin & Bones 
Basically it's a song about how simple life was once upon a time and how it just keeps changing into something you never expected it to be.
"Now I'm always stressed out
Running round'
Looking for another town
To saddle up and settle down"

April- Feathered Indians by Tyler Childers

I just listened to it on repeat for way too long. Love it!


May- May Gets 2! These were basically the songs that got me through the pain of knowing I was leaving. Countless nights alone dancing in my kitchen, dealing with really confusing feelings I was having about my relationship and friendships.

You Taste Like Wine- The Collection
I've been searching too hard for my soul
Like it matters which words lead us home
When the end will not reveal its face
I guess I will rest in palms of grace
Am I lost or found? Or am I just here, waiting around
Until someone comes and tells me it's okay to move?
And I'll take another step toward you
Fred Astaire- Jukebox the Ghost
"Even When I'm a drunken mess
You don't care
Still like me better than the rest
I swear
I don't understand it
How you like me when I'm dancing
Those eyes, damn, those eyes
They get me every time"

(Trust me...these lyrics were not in any way related to the person people thought they were.)


June- You Worry Me- Nathaniel Rateliffe
All of it....
"You seem tired today
Were you up all night afraid of what the future might bring?
I feel fine today
I had dreams of you in places I've not seen before
You get so carried away
Like lovers new to bodies first to touch you here
This ain't a getaway
You build walls around your heart to try to lock it in"

July- The Edge by Amber Rubarth 
This song perfectly sums up how I felt about Central Asia as my home. Totally life changing.

August-All the Pretty Girls- KALEO
Hauntingly Beautiful. The story of my past life.



September- Say Something by Justin Timberlake and Chris Stapleton
I got pretty sick of listening to other peoples' opinions of what I should do with my life.
"Everyone knows all about my direction
And in my heart somewhere I wanna go there
Still I don't go there"

October- The World Spins Madly on by The Weepies
Woke up with this in my head randomly one day near the start of October. Felt it pretty hard.




November- All Your'n by Tyler Childers
All in.
"So I'll love you 'til my lungs give out, I ain't lyin'
I'm all your'n and you're all mine
There ain't two ways around it
There ain't no tryin' 'bout it
I'm all your'n and you're all mine"


December- By and By- Caamp
"Lookin’ back over my life
Spent the most of it tongue tied
I wish I’d had more time
Listenin’ to you speak your mind
Now I’m thinkin’ about her everyday
On my mind, atypical way
Are you a life force?"

January- God Blessed the Broken Road by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Yeah. All the feelings when listening to this song. I often think to myself how much I wish I hadn't left Kazakhstan to move here for a boy I wasn't sure about. Then he looks at me and I get butterflies.

February- Nothing I Can Do by Ben Taylor 
"There is nothing that I can do but belong to you
Heaven and Earth and I find myself
Sining this song for you
As luck would have it, it just so happens that there's
Nothing I'd Rather do"


30 year old me no longer has a nose stud, but she is just as badass as 20 year old me. I'm starting to realize that as 30 year old me is going to face far more challenges and hurdles than 20 year old me. Ready and waiting.

Thursday, December 12, 2019

Untitled 9

July 18th 2019
I still don't know what I'm doing. Do you love me? Do I love you? I feel like we haven't talked in about a year.

Questions and answers for home:
Q: How are you?
A: I'm fine. (I am totally and completely falling to pieces on the inside.)

Q: How do you feel about moving to Abu Dhabi?
A: It's going to be an adjustment. (I think I might have made the biggest mistake of my life, but I can't tell anyone because it makes me seem like a terrible, selfish girlfriend.)

Q: How was Kazakhstan?
A: It was amazing! I loved it! (It was the best place I have ever lived and I cannot believe I gave up hiking and camping in snow capped mountains for dune bashing in a sandpit.)
August 11th 2019
Life would be tough, but maybe at the end of the day it would all be worth it. I know that 6 days from now my life is going to change. And it is so fricken underwhelming this time. What. The. Fuck??

August 16th 2019
It's funny because when I'm in the states its the same. A few weeks anywhere and I'm ready to go be happy in the next place.

August 17th 2019
When a little girl from nowhere-land Romania and her 2 year old brother talk you down for a mental breakdown at the airport, you know something is wrong. What am I doing???

August 22nd 2019
Do I just get myself into these situations on purpose? Is it some sort of habit I've gained? Or is it just that taken women are more attractive than single ones? Is it because I let loose and let my guard down and allow people to see me for who I really am? What makes me that girl that one of the only eligible bachelors at the school wants to hang out with? And why is hanging out with him suddenly all that matters?

September 5th 2019
I think I'm still nervous to dive. Or maybe it's just not right?

September 6th 2019
I hate you right now. Hate you for claiming to know anything about me. I hate you for saying you'd always build me up when all I feel is that you are hammering away at all that is holding me together.

September 7th 2019
I need to remind myself that it is okay to feel sad and angry about this, but I need to keep trying to pick myself back up off the ground and move forward. I am here for a reason.

September 12th 2019
All I want is to feel anything worthwhile, or totally numb. I suck at this.

September 16th 2019
I'm like a little girl with a crush hoping to see you around every corner.

September 24th 2019
I have absolutely no right to be sobbing right now. But suddenly it all isn't okay.

September 29th 2019
It is amazing how life can totally change in a week. It's time to start blogging about and remembering the happiness of this new beginning. When I look at you I see something totally different from all of the other men I have ever looked at, and I feel this calmness deep in my soul. Now to hold on to these "honeymoon feelings" and not fuck everything up.

October 6th 2019
I'm exhausted and everything hurts. Inside and outside. And yet the way we are doing this and working on this makes me the happiest woman in the world.

October 12th 2019
When you take your eyes off of the game and he is just staring at you and smiling.
--------------------------------------------------------
Last night we talked about our number 1 regret in the last year and I wanted to say "moving to Abu Dhabi," but I couldn't because it brought me so much more than I ever thought it could.

October 19th 2019
I used to love being alone and crave alone time when I didn't get it. Now I just want to be with you 24 hours a day.

November 8th 2019
How the fuck did I get here? And yet, this is exactly where I want to be.

November 12th 2019 
The worst thing is that we both feel like we are failing each other only because we are stuck here, both equally disliking our lives.

November 20th 2019
I decided I actually am really angry, and I need to work through these emotions. Wasted time,  feeling like I was someone who knew nothing about life, and like my passions and dreams didn't matter. I am so much better off now.

December 8th 2019
No time to write. Dreams coming true. Life is somehow both awful and splendid and I can't quite explain it.

December 9th, 2019
4 months later and I still get butterflies when you smile at me, and I'm sure that the same will be true 4 years from now.  And probably 40 years from now.

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Thankful 2019

#10: Germany Christmas markets- I love when you are all alone in a crowd and completely okay with just people watching, enjoying some live music and sipping on a delicious drink.

#9: Saying goodbye to Frotzey- My 16 year old puppy went to puppy heaven. It was very emotional, but I am so grateful I got to be there to experience her release of pain after watching her deteriorate every time I journeyed home.

#8:And then he kissed me like I'd never been kissed before-After what had seemed like ages of resisting the obvious, I finally got to let down my guard.

#7: Iloe hugging me for the first time in the summer- Watching his face light up as he ran into my arms convinced me that I need to continue to make trips home.

#6: First Desert Camping Trip- These are my people! This may not be my place, but I realized that I CAN pull this shit off for another 18 months.

#5: Daryn and Jenny's Wedding- Witnessing real love and family makes me so happy and thankful for what I came from.


#4:Tajikistan!- All around the best experience of my life. So many little moments of joy and friendship stacked on top of each other. Mountains, great stories, vodka, and good company to top it off.

#3:Final Camping trip in Kazakhstan- Disgustingly rainy, and yet the perfect end to my time in Kazakhstan. A night with friends drinking beer around a campfire.


#2:Tengri Ultra- What a tough experience. This weekend of supporting fellow runners and having my friends support me through my toughest run yet, was totally worth every blister. I had such a blast camping, experiencing the local culture, and forcing myself through every step, to experience the diverse beauty of Kazakhstan.


#1: Girls night 
A few beers deep at "girls night" I went to use the bathroom and sat contemplating so many things in my mind. I walked out of the bathroom and just said the words I was thinking directly out loud. The discussion that followed set me on a path to change my circumstances and realize that I was missing so many of the things I wanted in my relationship.

Friday, October 18, 2019

Madness of Marmots Part 3- The Pamir Highway

Day 10: Langar- Alichur
Today was a long day. We woke up expecting to drive, complete a difficult height to our highest place yet, and then to meet our drive and continue onward. The first part of the morning went fine and I reached highest point of hiking yet: about 4,600 meters. It was a bit difficult to breathe and we didn't enjoy the hike much, but I felt accomplished. We got to see lots of Marmots! We also drove to see a beautiful lake.

Then the chaos started. We arrived where we were supposed to meet our driver, however he was not there. We waited for awhile and continued to try to get signal in any of our phones, but to no avail. We suggested driving to the next city where we might get signal, however as it turned out our driver did not have enough diesel, and there was no diesel available in the next town. At this point we were slightly out of water and all saving our last 250ml for emergencies only. All means of contact were attempted, and we even tried the "throw the brick phone in the air" method. As we waited we began to feel like we had wasted our water in the morning hydrating before attempting our hike. We tried to come up with plans: hitchhiking, walking, but realistically we had seen very few cars and still had to go 30km.

Eventually we managed to get reception and found out our driver was still not coming, however, we were able to get to the next city with our driver being promised some form of diesel to make sure he got home.

In the town we found very little water, and worried again about if we had enough. After looking at some Yaks we walked back to the homestay and found a well where we planned to purify water in the morning. We ate a delicious dinner of lagman(spaghetti soup), and had some tea and vodka in an attempt to hydrate once again. We met a very nice older Italian man who was traveling around on a motorbike and he joined us for a drink. Once it was dark we went out for a bit to look at the stars, but it was quite cold now that we were so high up, and I was tired from the day of confusion so I passed out pretty quickly.

Day 11: Aichur- Murgab
Happy 4th of July America! I managed to find a beer to have with dinner and that put me at a whopping 4 beers for the entirety of this trip. We spent most of our morning sitting around and waiting for Omur to return to us. We had a lot of tea, I finished my book, we hung in the yurt, we filtered water, and edited photos. The best part was just watching the local life and playing with the 4 girls from the family.

Eventually we determined it was time to pack and relax. At one point I heard a loud squeal and was overjoyed to run outside and find out Omurbek had arrived! We still weren't exactly sure what happened with the police, but he showed us his new official Tajik document. I feel like in any other country we would have been stuck in shitty Khorog for an entire week, but people were so kind in accommodating us and making sure we were able to continue our journey. After making sure we were well fed with lunch we began our trip to Murgab. Along the way we saw Marco Polo sheep and Omur was so happy to be back with us that he went off road to make sure we could see them closely and attempt to take pictures. I asked if he could show us snow leopards, and of course he managed to find a statue just to make a joke about it.

Once in the city we went for a quick detour to the police, and you'll never guess what was outside....A Lenny! On our short walk we headed to the market to try to look for a present for Omur to lift his spirits. We checked several shops and eventually landed on a stuffed Marco Polo sheep as a present. We also managed to walk all the way to the far away market to get me a beer and ice cream to celebrate the holiday.

At dinner, talk turned to my move to the desert and my hatred of sand. I was laughing/ crying when I wholeheartedly said "I'm going to die in the desert." After 1 beer and 1 vodka at 3,500 meters I was a bit tipsy and honestly ready for bed.

Day 12- Murgab- Lenin Peak Base Camp

Today was an insanely long day of driving with a bit of hiking in the morning. We had to make a decision about which hike to do: The one through the beautiful valley that was filled with wild animals, or the one to just about 5,000 meters. It was decided that we preferred to enjoy the beauty of the country rather than tick a box on out lists.

After driving through a gorgeous valley we ended up in a small yurt village filled with yaks, donkeys, and cute kids. We began walking up with no real intention other than to get our legs moving and take some pictures. Then we looked up and decided on a goal: touch the snow. We meandered around rocks and water and could not get over the beauty of the pinks and tans in these mountains.

Once we reached the snow we had our morning chocolate, and tried to go faster on the way down to make up time, but we just had to keep stopping to take pictures. After being welcomed in to see the inside of the yurt we took off again to continue our journey to the highest pass on the highway: 4,655 meters. As we got out of the car we noticed that it was snowing, and freezing! We took a quick selfie and continued on our way.

The drive continued along the Chinese border and we kept joking about just hopping across one of the areas where there was a gap in the wall. We stopped for a quick lunch of soup near Karakul Lake. While we waited for our meal the children of the house played hide and seek with us and kept squealing with delight as they ran away. On our way to the border we continued to see marmots running all around. The border control joked around with us about how beautiful we were and we ran into our German friend from the very start of our journey in the Fann mountains. As we continued our drive it seemed we were in the clouds.

Eventually we reached a point where we were able to view Peak Lenin through some clouds. After a long drive along, hoping the clouds would part ways so we could get a better view, we arrived at the yurt camp and stuffed our faces with salty food and tea while the fire did it's job to heat up the yurt. It was still sort of snowing and definitely freezing. After eating we very quickly crawled into our warm beds in the yurt to try and get some sleep before our hike to Lenin Peak Base Camp.

Day 13- Lenin Peak Base Camp- Osh
We woke up with the intention of seeing Lenin Peak, but it seemed like Lenny just wanted to hide away for the day. The walk to base camp was relatively easy with only a few minor inclined bits. We saw many marmots and started guessing about what their name as a group would be. Continually stopping to remove and add layers was a bit annoying. Once back down, we packed up and went into the village for some lunch and wifi. Quickly discovering that a group of marmots is called a madness, we switch our name from "Vodka drinking girls" to "Madness of Marmots". We continued our journey through more beauty and gradually got warmer and warmer. Once in Osh I said goodbye to the best driver ever and did some sink laundry and took my first shower in 5 days. I met the girls for burgers and pizza. Then I did a quick evening walk to find the Lenny and headed straight to bed to prep for my early morning journey to Uzbekistan.